Editor’s note: This story contains references to sexual abuse, domestic violence and murders of children.
Update (12/14/23): The Pennsylvania Senate passed the bill dubbed Kayden’s Law by a vote of 50-0 on Dec. 13. The bill now moves to the state House for consideration.
Reported 12/7/23:
Claim abuse, lose custody: A bill aims to curb a trend born of the theory of ‘parental alienation’
When a child development professional first told Inaya that they would be filing a Childline report on behalf of her toddler, she felt both relieved and terrified.
The Pittsburgh mother of one was fearful her then-husband would hurt her child once she disclosed the abuse, but her worry poured out to the child development professional. “One weekend I broke down before her because of what had been happening, and she then told me that, ‘You and your daughter are no longer safe here,’” said Inaya, whose real name is being withheld out of concern that publicity might result in negative consequences.
Inaya had been enduring what she described as increasingly threatening tirades and promises of violence: throwing items, breaking down doors and descriptions of physical harm that would come to her and her child if they did not comply. Once the Childline report was filed, Inaya knew the risk had surged, and she had to leave.
“That’s when I called up the women’s shelter, and she said, ‘Just pack two sets of clothes for yourself and your daughter and come right here.’ OK, and so that’s what I did.”
She believed that would be the start of a new — and safer — life for her and her toddler.
Instead, five years later, Inaya’s ex-husband has primary custody and she is only permitted to see her child for two overnight visits per week, which she says amounts to about 13 to 15 waking hours. The case has included testimony brought by an expert witness called by her ex-husband who said that physical and sexual abuse might be less harmful to a child than “parental alienation.”
The decades-old theory of parental alienation, which holds that one parent may deliberately turn a child against the other, has polarized family courts across the country. Court decisions to disregard abuse allegations, driven in part by the theory, have been linked to child deaths.
Since the death of a Philadelphia-area child in 2018, advocates and lawmakers have pushed for more protections for the children of parents fleeing abusive situations. But while measures inspired by that death have made their way into law in some states and can even unlock federal funding, they haven’t yet made it through Pennsylvania’s General Assembly.
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Parental alienation: Worse than a punch?
Psychiatrist Richard Gardner coined the phrase “parental alienation syndrome” in 1985, characterizing it as a disorder in which children, programmed by the allegedly “loved” parent, grow resentful of the allegedly “hated” parent, and often of that parent’s extended family.
In 2013, the American Psychological Association [APA] listed parental alienation as a specific form of child abuse. Parental alienation syndrome is not listed as a medical term in either the International Classification of Diseases or the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.
Nonetheless, it turns up in custody cases, including Inaya’s in a 2021 custody trial.
Her lawyer sought to exclude the testimony of Robert Evans, a psychologist and co-author of the book “The Essentials of Parent Alienation Syndrome,” but a county Court of Common Pleas judge denied that motion. According to the trial transcript, Inaya’s lawyer then cross-examined Evans, presenting hypothetical scenarios of abuse.
“Can a parent inflict more damage by parental alienation than the parent could inflict by, say, breaking the child’s bones?” the lawyer asked.
“Conceivably, yes,” Evans answered.
“… How about, you have a 4-year-old child, and the parent punches the child in the face and leaves two black eyes,” the lawyer continued. “Could in your opinion parental alienation be worse for the child than that?”
“Potentially, yes,” said Evans.
“OK, how about if you have a 4-year-old, and the father forces the child to perform fellatio on him. Could that be less harmful to the child than parental alienation?”
“Potentially, yes,” Evans answered.
“How about the father actually fully penetrates his four year old daughter’s vagina with his penis. Could that be less harmful to the child than parental alienation?” the lawyer asked.
Said Evans: “Potentially.”
Evans did not respond to requests for comment for this story.
In late 2021 the judge gave Inaya’s former husband custody of the child, with periods of supervised custody for the mother.
A theory that usually works against moms
“Historically we have seen fathers get custody of their children during custody cases because women and children were seen as their property,” said Danielle Pollack, policy manager for the National Family Violence Law Center at George Washington University Law School. Over the last several decades, Pollack said, “we have seen more of a 50/50 standard.”
Parental alienation claims, though, have pushed the pendulum back, according to research conducted by the center.
“Women’s voices are taken as less credible and children even less credible.”
“Parental alienation is an effective legal strategy even though there is no evidence to support it,” said Joan Meier, a professor of Clinical Law and Director of the center. “It fits the court’s mind that no abuse could ever happen and both parents should just get along.”
Meier’s 2019 study found that in cases in which mothers claim abuse by a father, and the father then claims alienation, courts are more than twice as likely to disbelieve the mother’s claim. When a mother claims child abuse, and the father claims alienation, courts are almost four times more likely to dismiss the claim than if the father did not claim alienation.
“Women’s voices are taken as less credible and children even less credible,” Pollack said. “So when you have to talk about the abuse, the courts have the human response to deny it. We all don’t want it to be true that these things have happened, especially child sexual abuse. Your brain just turns off.”
Meier also found that when fathers claim alienation, the rate at which mothers lose custody shoots up from 26% to 50% for any abuse allegation. Even when courts believe a father has abused a mother, if they also believe the mother is alienating, some mothers still lose custody to the abusive fathers.
Across all cases in which alienation was claimed — regardless of whether abuse was claimed — when a father alleged a mother was alienating the man took full custody from her 44% of the time. When the genders were reversed, mothers took custody from fathers only 29% of the time.
“It’s a mix of ignorance, stereotypes, denial of abuse and misogyny,” Meier said. “There has not been any useful training [in courts] on the use of parental alienation and its gendered outcomes.”
Judges “see an abuser come into court calm, cool, collected, a pillar of the community,” said Kathleen Russell, executive director of California-based Center for Judicial Excellence.
The mother, by contrast may appear stressed and could be suffering from PTSD, impacting their courtroom delivery, Russell added. As a result, judges “don’t believe the women because they don’t present well, and they believe the abusers because they are poised and don’t act abusive.”
Her ex left her bruised and in shock. Her attempts at justice illuminate the struggle to prosecute partner rape allegations.
When parental alienation is alleged, she said, efforts to disprove it can instead appear to support the underlying claim, in a system where judges tend to reward the friendliest parent.
“If your kid is being raped on the weekend and you are trying to restrict custody or go for sole custody because your child is having medical issues or is hysterical upon pickup, you are not going to look friendly to the court.”
Incautious calls by courts can bring tragedy.
The Center for Judicial Excellence’s dashboard logs nearly 1,000 children’s deaths nationwide, since 2008, in cases in which custody was contested over allegations of abuse. The issue, said Russell, is that the family court system was not designed and has not been trained to handle cases like these.
“The majority of cases that come in are not domestic violence or child abuse cases,” said Russell. “Those all settle amicably; the parents are able to put the child’s best interests forward.” But when the case gets complicated, she said, untrained family courts too often fail to protect children.
Kayden’s story — and the bill named after her
On Aug. 6, 2018, 7-year-old Kayden Mancuso, from Bucks County, was murdered by her father Jeffrey Mancuso during court-ordered unsupervised custody time, which had been granted despite the mother raising safety concerns during custody litigation. Kayden’s mother, Kathy Sherlock, had submitted evidence to the court of the father’s abusive, violent history including criminal records and filed for a restraining order.
In 2019, a bill named after Kayden, and aimed at averting future tragedies, was introduced in Pennsylvania. Almost five years later, the latest version passed the Senate Judiciary Committee with a unanimous vote in October, but has not yet passed either full chamber of the General Assembly.
The bill would:
- Make clear that the most important issue in custody cases is protection of the child
- Establish a hearing to review evidence after claims of abuse
- Require that a court-determined abusive party would be limited to supervised custody until that party could prove they do not pose a risk to the child’s health and safety
- Mandate ongoing, evidence-based training programs within courts regarding child abuse, domestic violence and the impact of child abuse and domestic violence on children.
State Sen. Steven Santarsiero, D-Bucks County, the prime sponsor of Kayden’s Law, said he is “cautiously optimistic” that the bill will pass soon.
“Every stakeholder has been very supportive,” he said. “It was just fine tuning.”
State Rep. Emily Kinkead, D-Brighton Heights, said she expects the bill to pass.
“It’s a mix of ignorance, stereotypes, denial of abuse and misogyny. There has not been any useful training [in courts] on the use of parental alienation and its gendered outcomes.”
Kinkead, an attorney who serves on the House Judiciary Committee, said she had concerns that provisions in prior versions, which would have required professionals to supervise visits when there was an allegation of abuse, would be very difficult to execute given the lack of trained court supervisors. “If the courts are telling you that they can’t make it work, that’s something you should listen to,” said Kinkead. The updated bill suggests looking closely at each case to determine whether it requires a professional visitation supervisor.
Last year President Joe Biden reauthorized the Violence Against Women’s Act, enacted in 1994, increasing services and support for survivors from underserved and marginalized communities including for LGBTQIA+ survivors of domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault and stalking. The act endorses provisions echoing Kayden’s Law’s planks, pledging federal funds to states that require courts to carefully consider abuse allegations, ensure that the right of a child to be with a protective parent is not secondary to the desire to improve the child’s relationship with the other parent and require training for judges. However, states are not required to take these measures.
“Kayden’s Law is such low-hanging fruit,” Meier said. “Requiring that experts are truly experts in what they are testifying for, requiring training for judges and not ordering the [child’s] reunification with an alleged abuser seems so clear and necessary.”
While Kayden’s tragedy occurred in Pennsylvania, Colorado became the first state to officially pass Kayden’s Law in May. New York, Maryland, Montana and Illinois have also introduced similar legislation. California passed similar legislation in mid-October.
An Allegheny County court spokesperson declined to respond to questions, saying the court can’t comment on anything related to pending legislation.
‘We just can’t side with abuse’
Kendra, a mom in Allegheny County whose real name is being withheld, said she endured almost six years of being “emotionally, mentally, spiritually” abused. Kendra was granted a PFA, but once it expired, she said, her husband would break into her house, vandalize her property and verbally abuse her in front of their two children.
“When I would call the police, they said they couldn’t do anything because his name was still on the deed of the house because we weren’t officially divorced yet,” Kendra said.
Kendra said these events were very traumatizing for her and her children. Her son, then three years old, would lock the doors anywhere they went because he “wanted to keep the bad guys out.”
Kendra has primary custody of her children, with her ex-husband having five hours per week plus every other weekend and some holidays. She notes that she found a way to finance the continued cost of a lawyer.
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“What is happening to these women and children that don’t have the money? There were times I would get [lawyer bills] up to $2,000 to $4,000 every two weeks,” Kendra said. “The system is so perverted and twisted, it doesn’t protect women; men use kids as pawns and there’s no accountability unless women are in the financial position to keep going to court for as long as it takes.”
“It still comes down to who has the most money for a better lawyer,” said Pollack, of the National Family Violence Law Center.
Neighborhood Legal Services, a federally funded program to provide legal aid, can help eligible households to navigate family courts.
Meier said that abuse continues through generations in part because it is not acknowledged.
“We just can’t side with abuse any longer,” Meier said. “So many kids are being intentionally harmed and traumatized, and it’s so frustrating that courts deny abuse all the time and still hold onto old fashioned and inaccurate standards. … We need to just keep calling it out or it will keep happening.”
The City of Pittsburgh officially declared November as Family Court Awareness month. Pollack led a press conference conducted by Mayor Ed Gainey’s office, which included statements from child survivors of abuse.
“As a survivor, you are told to tell the truth and you would be okay, but after hours of questioning and telling the truth, we were completely ignored,” said a child referred to as Nova, whose real name was withheld. “Everyone overlooked what we had to say, and it affected us greatly. The trauma caused by family court is real.”
Inaya does not want to give up on getting custody of her child, but it’s exhausting and expensive. She’s also unsure if more hearings will even make a difference.
“I shared what my daughter had told me, ‘Papa does bad things to me.’ And another time, she had said that he doesn’t stop,” she said. “I shared this in the court.”
Correction: Neighborhood Legal Services provides legal aid to victims of domestic violence, and to clients in custody cases related to Protection from Abuse cases if there is a high risk of lethality or other safety factor. Subject to available resources, NLS represents clients in some types of family court cases in which custody is contested. The agency also helps clients in Allegheny, Beaver, Butler and Lawrence counties to navigate family courts. An earlier version of this story mischaracterized NLS’ availability. To seek legal help, click here.
Meg St-Esprit is a freelance journalist based in Bellevue. She can be reached at megstesprit@gmail.com or on Instagram and Twitter.
Erin Yudt is an editorial intern at PublicSource and can be reached at erin@publicsource.org.
This story was fact-checked by Punya Bhasin.
